12th April 2020

Happy Eostre!! 🐣

Probably the weirdest Easter Holidays any of us will ever experience, celebrating the spring we are forbidden from interacting with.

I’ve always found Easter a strange holiday – it feels like one which is steeped in Christianity, and therefore not for me. I’ve grappled with my opinions on religion for many years, so sometimes I almost feel like a fraud for celebrating these occasions. My early memories of Christianity are ones of fear, the devil and hell were common features used by my strictly Seventh Day Adventist Nan to keep my five thousand cousins and I in check.

Although christened Church of England I went to a Catholic Primary school and to be honest I always felt slightly excluded, there were certain rituals that were reserved for the Catholic students. As a young child this was something which left a lasting impression – us/them.

It’s one of the major issues I have with religion, it’s ability to alienate non-believers.

I used to have a bit of jealousy towards believers, irrelevant of the flavour of religion there is a purity of thought and a simplicity to the belief and trust in a higher power which I found enviable.

I remember having a lecture on spirituality during my Nursing Degree and being told how studies have shown those who are religious live longer and recover quicker. However being a fairly rational person and working in an environment governed by science - I find it difficult to hand over that amount of control to an intangible entity.

It would make my role as a healthcare professional defunct. It can’t be the fact that whoever these people are praying to is granting them the wish of long life and a speedy recovery – but there is something in the power of belief and the affect of that on your mental well being.

Hope is good for the soul.

One of my main issues is the divisive nature of religion and spirituality upon humanity, the inability to accept and respect each other’s beliefs.

If spirituality was a cause of death, the casualties over the centuries would far exceed that of any virus.

It’s that hypocrisy which I have found difficult to stomach over the years, so I did my research. As I said I felt like a hypocrite myself for celebrating Christmas etc when I thought I was an Atheist, after having Jude it felt even more important to figure out what I really believed.

So one of the religious holidays I looked deeper into was Easter - which I found out was celebrated long before Christianity. Anglo-Saxons called it ‘Eostre’ after their Pagan goddess of fertility, hence the Easter eggs and Bunnies. This was all governed by nature, the stars and the moon – celebrating the new season and the end of winter.

I much prefer the hippie version – completely bypasses the torture and murder which I always found a bit excessive to be honest.

Either way, whichever religion – the message is the same.

Rebirth.

So it’s coincidental that this was the week I started nursing again – Tuesday was my first day and was also the night of the ‘Full Pink Moon’. The evening before my first shift that moon was unmissable – it was like a flood light glaring through my kitchen window. I messaged my my mate who’s into that shiz to have a look, and checked the oracle AKA Google to see if there was any meaning to the moon. This is what I found;

“ It has been said that this moon symbolises rebirth and renewal. It serves as a reminder that life is a set of ups and downs, a cycle of hibernation and reawakening. The flowers may go away for a while but they always return. Their colour is appreciated in a new light, since we've all gone so long without embracing their poetic impact on our world.” (Buckland, 2018)

I mean, could it be any more pertinent?

Before my breakdown I wouldn’t have regarded myself as spiritual, but I think sometimes when you’re so emotionally lost you search for any light in the dark.

I was open to possibilities.

It was my sister Aimee’s 30’th – we were away in France with a chateaux full of her mates celebrating. It was incredible, but I was distracted. I knew I was desperately unhappy – but I didn’t know what to do about it. When you’re that stressed and depressed it is impossible to untangle the thought processes required to make a decision, especially life changing ones.

One of Aimee’s mates had been learning Tarot and some of the others were raving about how good their reading was from her. Now it’s not something I would usually have been up for, but I stalked Roya round this party like a weird drunk hyena (picture the stupid one in Lion King) until she bust the cards out.

From the limited knowledge I have of Tarot there are many ways to lay a ‘spread’ which basically means the position of the cards and their meanings. Roya handed me the cards to shuffle and to think about a question I wanted to ask them.

Should I quit Nursing?

I picked three cards which were placed face down in a row – each card representing either the past, present or future. I won’t bore you by describing the entire reading but the ‘future’ card was the one that held the most meaning for me.

This was the ‘Hermit’ card.

In the most common style of Tarot “the Hermit stands alone on the top of a mountain. The snow-capped range symbolises his spiritual mastery, growth and accomplishment. He has chosen this path of self-discovery and, as a result, has reached a heightened state of awareness. In his right hand, he holds a lantern with a six-pointed star inside; it is the Seal of Solomon, a symbol of wisdom. As the Hermit walks his path, the lamp lights his way – but it only illuminates his next few steps rather than the full journey. He must step forward to see where to go next, knowing that not everything will be revealed at once. In his left hand, the side of the subconscious mind, the Hermit holds a long staff (a sign of his power and authority), which he uses to guide and balance him. (https://www.biddytarot.com/tarot-card-meanings/major-arcana/hermit/)

The Hermit was telling me it was time for introspection.

So I came back from France, went to the GP, was signed off from A&E and I never went back.

Now I know people have their doubts about Tarot, but when you look at it as a therapy tool rather than a magical way of telling the future, it can actually be amazingly insightful.

The way I see it is that those cards and their meanings can be interpreted in completely different ways for different people, they help the individual to understand their own feelings. For someone like me who found it difficult to untangle my true desires – I found this incredibly helpful.

It’s not that I believe there is a higher power choosing these cards for you, rather that your brain is the higher power – making connections between your life and this symbolism which not only brings understanding, but also great comfort.

We are the masters of our own destiny – sometimes we just need a bit of a push.

There are other practices I’ve learnt over the last few months which have also been really beneficial to my mental health. I’m not gonna get all preachy, but anyone feeling a bit frazzled and low especially in these stressful times should try grounding. I’ll stick a description of the technique at the end of this post – this Easter I think you should all get in your gardens or out on your daily walk –and give it a go.

Anyways I’ll leave it there for today – hope everyone enjoys their weekend despite the lockdown!

🧡

Grounding

Grounding is the earthing of your energy to the natural energy field of the earth. If you are not grounded you may feel dizzy, a little 'spaced out', an 'unreal' feeling, off balance, or generally out of sorts.

To ground yourself. Visualise a ball of white energy inside the top of your head. This ball of energy is going to move down right through your body, as it moves down it collects all the negative energy that your body and your aura is already holding. So imagine that the ball of energy is like a magnet.

Move that ball of energy down through your head and into your neck. Gather all the negative energy to that magnetic ball of energy. Continue the energy down through the upper body, and into the lower body, absorbing the negative energy as the energy ball moves downwards. Into the legs and down into the feet. When the energy reaches the feet, you visualise roots growing deep into the earth. The negative energy is then going to be discharged into the earth where it will be neuatralised.

Once all the negativity has been released, grow the roots further downwards, or outwards. Then from these roots draw up positive sparkling white energy from mother earth. Draw the white energy up through the roots and into the soles of the feet. Visualise that pure white energy moving up through your legs and into the lower body. Moving upwards to the upper body, then into the neck and head. Ask then that the energy be used in whatever part of your body, mind or aura that the energy is needed.

🙌